Worlds colliding

How many versions of me do exist? Lately, and that’s one of the reasons why I stopped writing, there is mainly one version of me. The one always deeply worried, the one who never smiles, the one slightly falling into depression, the one struggling. Life in London has been tough, not because of London, but because of bad decisions and bad planning. It would be easier to blame the city I live in, but the truth is that yes, London is freaking expensive BUT I haven’t been  good at budgeting (not entirely my fault but that’s another story), hence the worries, the depression and so on. Am broke and I feel entrapped, I feel like I will never travel again or live and realize my dreams again. It’s a sad feeling. And coming out of it is not that easy when you have bills and stuff to pay off and the money is never enough. The harder you work the quicker the money disappears… Even going to the cinema or out for dinner has become a luxury I can’t afford right now…  It’s tough and it’s depressing.

But there is also another me, the one happy when reading travel blogs, daydreaming about my next trip (probably in 5 years time) and dreaming about all sort of happy stuff, all including new places, new people, new things. I see all these travel bloggers living the life of their dreams, and I feel ‘envious’ because that’s the life I dream for myself, although it seems so unreachable…

Colliding worlds, colliding me that for now cannot live together, in fact they don’t stand each other. When I am the first me nobody can get along with me, people don’t like to hang around sad people, I understand that, but I think that if someone was in the same position I would try to help them. Here people smile at you but wouldn’t lift a finger for you. Or that’s the main impression.

When I am the second me, it’s mostly in my mind. I am dreaming but cannot express those dreams out loud for fear they will escape from me…. Wish dreams came true (though the first me, as negative as her thinking is right now, doubts it.)

 

*This post was written in response to the DP Writing Challenge Worlds colliding, and also to get something off my chest…

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21 responses to “Worlds colliding

  1. I feel for you tesoro. Don’t forget that dreams can and do evolve, even without us realising it. Leave space in the here and now for new adventures that can happen without even leaving London. Certainly you know how wonderful London is…. a world unto itself. Take care. Un abbraccio Jx

    • Thanks for your kind words, I just wish I had more friends, someone who could lend me something to overcome this sad period. Anyway, hopefully it will get better… xx

  2. If you read my last post, you’ll see I probably know exactly what you’re experiencing. One of the most vivid memories I have of London was the day I went around to say goodbye to my work colleagues – none of whom had included me in their social life – and the emotions I felt when, too often, they’d smile and say “Oh, you’re leaving already – we so wanted to have you around/meet up for a meal/drink/play … “. I’d only been there a year.

    • I find people here as being very fake, am not used to it! I come from a country where people are usually very genuine and this fakeness is so disappointing….

  3. Your photographs are beautiful! Those life slumps (as I call them) are very hard…but hopefully it won’t last long. It looks like you have had many wonderful adventures. Draw on them for support! 🙂

  4. Dear Elisa, dreams do, and will, come true. You just have to be patient. and focused. And don’t assume things always have been hunky dory for all other travel bloggers 🙂

  5. Exploring your neighborhood or city can still be a great travel experience. Good luck with your London life and remember that everyone is fighting their own battles, so you are never as alone as you think.

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  8. Hey here’s hoping you find some joy in the moment. London is certainly not known for it’s friendliness, maybe there’s a way to step out into the more rural areas if only for the day. And you are right about how colossally expensive an ordinary social event like cinema has become! here’s to brighter times ahead.

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  11. Hmmmm . . . . it’s August now and your last posts are from June. Perhaps you are still feeling sorry for yourself. I hope not. I hope that you are just too busy and carefree to write.

    I, too, have made life choices that leaves me able to pay the bills. That is it. No dinners out (that’s ok, I would rather eat at home), no movies (that’s ok, too, theater-goers are too rude for me now-a-days), and no travel . . . that is the tough one. I guess it goes together though . . . because my job doesn’t pay enough to allow for travel yet it would be difficult for me to go anywhere anyway. So . . . you are not alone. Hang in there. I do hope you are feeling better! Cheers!

    • Thanks for your kind words… I am still hanging in there. Can’t see a way out anytime soon and that’s what is making me feeling bad. If I saw any light I would feel better…

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